Last week i got the opportunity to go back to the nation that first stole my heart. the people who first captured all my love. the place God first began prying into my heart. the country i first saw a vision of the things to come in my life.
I finally, after three long years was back in Nicaragua. yet this time, it was different. much much different. I still loved the people. i still enjoyed that
beautiful nicaraguan trash smell. i still loved riding in the van and watching people on the streets. i still loved getting down and dirty to hold those precious babies. but something inside me was different. hurting yet complete in a sense.
I had prepared myself for this trip, knowing that i would return and leave knowing one of two things. Either that my heart still pounded the beat of nicaragua- that there was room enough for all the places i love. that every nation God sends me to i would feel equally called to, and that wherever it may be it would feel perfectly right. OR i would return and feel something very different than the previous two trips i made there. something only the Holy Spirit could make right within my own spirit. That i would go and receive confirmation that India was the place for me. That India had my heart, and not just my heart but God 's heart for me. That the beats of my heart still sounded an Indian beat.
And just that happened. i was speechless. almost numb. hurting. yet relieved. yearning. yet content. helpless. yet hopeful. confused. yet satisfied.
I first felt like something had gone terribly wrong, but in the midst of that Go d reassured me that it was okay. different is okay. that He is in control and He knows all things. Let me make sure i make this point...i still love nicaragua, i still love the people, i still felt the need to be there to share Christ with a lost nation. I still enjoyed my week. i still loved, laughed, and cried. But i walked away knowing for whatever reason God has put something extraordinary in my heart for India. He's shed a hope for the plans He has for me there. He's given me a glimpse of His heart for that nation, and it isn't something i can take lightly.
I have no clue as to what that ministry looks like. whether its fu ll time, or just a trip to trip kind of thing. But i do know God's given me a stiring that has yet to be lifted, something special for India that i can't quite explain.
Forever Nicaragua will hold a special place in my heart. Not to say i'll never go back...cause im sure i will. But just in case i don't...I got closure. Questions were answered. And God allowed me one more chance to return to the place that first captured my heart. The place He called me into missions, the place He lit my fire of passion for the lost and broken world.
i feel ready. i feel complete. i feel honored, and humbled. i thank God for that week, i thank Him for his faithfulness. I praise Him for His goodness. I reflect on what all He has done in my life in the past three years, and i rejoice in all of it...both good and bad. I PRAISE HIM TODAY!
