A week I just don't want to face.

I'm going to be completely honest when I say I've been dreading this week for basically the last 4 weeks. Mother's day week, birthday week, and graduation week...the first week I've had where special days/holidays are taking place and Grammy isn't here. Everyone keeps saying "the first year is the hardest" and I do believe that's going to be true. The first round of birthdays and holidays with new traditions, and fewer participants. I've joked all week about how I don't even know how to plan a mother's day for my own momma because for all my life Mother's day was centered around Grammy and of course my own mom was included in that celebration. But this is the first year, I'm the planner. Honestly I'm not even sure what to do. I think tomorrow is going to be difficult in many ways, for us- the grandchildren, but even moreso for dad and Titi (my aunt), hard to celebrate a day for mother's when your own mother isn't here anymore. But this is just the start of a week I don't want to face quite yet. I turn 21 this Thursday. The first birthday in I can't even remember how long that I won't have Gram's fried chicken and mashed potatoes. She ALWAYS cooked each of us a special birthday dinner with ALL our favorites. It's those little things in life that are the hardest to cope with for me, the sentimental things. We moved beside of Gram when I was 6, so I suppose since my 7 birthday she's been cooking bday meals, maybe even before that but I can't recall back that far. So, the first birthday in 14 years without going to Gram's house for the yummiest food in town. And then on Friday, we have my youngest cousin's, Allie, graduation. This was the day that Gram was fighting so hard to make it to. Even from the beginning she was asking her doctor..."Do I have two years? I need to make it until Allie's graduation." Well, she decided heaven was a better place for her to be, and now we must face this day, of more traditions, without her.

From fearing, dreading, wishing this week wouldn't come just yet, I've realized a couple of things. One being how grateful I truly am for the blessing of having this woman in my life for so long, She truly is the most inspiring woman I've even had to privilege of knowing. I am so thankful we got to start, share, and carry on traditions with her for so many years. I've also realized that this will be the year of new traditions, a little bit of change, but still a lot of love. Our family is still a family, even when I feared we'd fall apart without our "rock". We didn't. Jesus has molded us together, with a special bonding and even though I thought Grammy was that special bonding, I've learned it's Him. Only Him. He is the one that makes the traditions go round, He is the one who pours out His love on us, so we can pour it out on each other. It's Him. And the best news about facing this week and the many more to come without our sweet Gram, is that Jesus didn't leave us. He is still here when the traditions change, when things look different, when the ways of our childhood because new ways into adulthood. Jesus never left when Grammy did. And He is certainly still eager to be here for us on Mother's day, to remind me how special my own momma is. And He will wear His party hat on Thursday as I celebrate another year of life on earth. And you better believe He's gonna be with us at Allie's graduation when we shout and clap our hands for how proud we are of her.

I love Him for His faithfulness, and especially during the times I'm not so faithful. I praise Him for these hard days this week because I know He's going to be there holding our hands and hearts and reminding us, He didn't leave us and He is the special bonding holding us together. PRAISE HIM!