a picture is worth a 1000 words

We sincerely thank you for your prayers for this trip. Because of your obedience to lifting us up, we now have 9 new brothers and sisters in Christ. May His name be ringing loud today! I hope you will continue to lift up our beautiful friends in Kenya who just committed to living a life that honors Christ, and also for my friend P in India. They will encounter hardship, so pray they remain confident in their creator, and that God would use them to change their nations.

she said yes

I love love. A good love story always makes my heart smile. Happily ever afters get me every time. And while I was in India this time, I saw one of the greatest love stories ever told with my very own eyes.

She said yes...

Just two weeks ago you could have found me on the streets of Mumbai, but not just any streets- the streets of the red light district. Also known as one of the darkest places on the face of the earth. It's where evil roams and slumbers day in and day out. Only this trip to the district turned into one with quite an unusual ending.

Myself, and two other friends of mine journeyed up the stairs of a brothel. Turning the corner of the first flight we encountered about 6 women sitting, standing, waiting on customers. I smiled...they did not. We walked in line passed them, with a man following closely behind us. Only we were on much of a different mission than he. With every flight of stairs came a long hall way, maybe 10 or more rooms down each hall and a man, or young adult, sitting on a stool waiting outside the doorway. After about 4 flights up, we ventured down the long hallway, stopping at probably the 5Th doorway. We walked in...two women were there to greet us with hellos, and also a big fat rat. That alone had me on my toes, itching to get out of the place. Yet we walked on into the brothel, and had a seat in the front room with the women and the rat too of course.

After a few moments, a baby's cry screeched throughout the brothel, and of course i asked the women if we could please see the baby. So one went into the back room and woke up the baby's mother and she and her sweet 1 year old came out to see us. For now we will just call him baby M, for security purposes, and baby M was no fan of mine to say the least. One look at a strange white girl and he was in a frenzy. But don't worry just yet, the story gets much better. So baby M's momma came and sat down, we'll call her P. P's name and outfit went perfectly together, as did her bright red lips and make-uped face left over from the night before. I could feel my chest grow tighter at the thoughts of what the previous night had held for her, just 5 mins walking distance away from where I had laid my head in safety. I kept telling myself, "focus, don't let Satan win. Pay attention to details and engage like you've never engaged before."

P began opening us as I asked her more and more questions. Where had she come from? How long had she been here? What was her age? Where was her family? Why, why this? And here is her story: After finding she was pregnant with her 8 year old daughter, her husband left her. So when her daughter was 5, she started seeking a better job in order to support her. She was told of a job opportunity in Mumbai where she could be a tailor, and knew that was the best she would probably find. LIES. IT WAS ALL LIES. My sweet friend, P, had been trafficked. SOLD. IN DEBTED to a brothel and to a madam. TRAPPED. DECEIVED. So P has been in the trade for 3 years, and still her mother and daughter know nothing of the truth of what she is really doing. She is too ashamed and broken to tell them. Now she has a baby boy to care for also, and in a month she will be sending him to her mother to care for also. I asked her if she is sad to be sending him away, but she told me she is okay because she knows he needs out of there, he needs a better life. I shared with her how much I respected her for that, and explained that that demonstrated a beautiful picture of what love really is. Giving up of ourselves for the benefit of someone else.

This opened the door to share about Jesus. I asked her if she knew of Him, and she told me, "yes, He is like the other gods i worship." but thankfully she told me she would love to know more about him, stories of his love. Somewhere in the midst of this conversation unfolding, a man walked into the brothel. Looked at me, looked at my friend (also a white American girl), and asked Chris (our leader and Indian) how much for both of us. Yes, that's right...He wanted to buy us for the day or night. Thankfully Chris told control and told him to leave. So after that small incident i proceeded in sharing Jesus with P, praying with every breath for the the Holy Spirit to be there. At the end, i asked her- the question that saved her life.

Would she like to receive the ONE man who will never leave her, the one who keeps EVERY promise He ever makes, the one who loves her more than any other, and she said YES! Right there in the midst of that dark, sinful, disgusting brothel- Jesus showed up and saved P. Once a lonely prostitute, now a princess of the King. Once broken, now mended. Once hopeless, now full of hope. Once a instrument of lust, now the apple of someones eye, HIS eye. Once lost, now she is found. All because He came, died, and lives again. He did it for P. All because He loves the unlovable, fights for the weak, cries out for the ones who can't even speak. And all because...

SHE SAID YES.

treasures in heaven.

I had intended to go to my bathroom (the perfect place for quiet prayer sessions) and "vent" to God about how poor I am, how i just withdrew from college for. . .the second time in 3 years, how i make minimum wage working at a daycare and spend my days with sometimes cute but more often than not bratty 8 year olds, and so on. let's just say, he got a hold of me real quick, and as you read this prayer I wrote, you'll see how in just a few short lines He can take my anger, frustration, feelings of failure, and anxiety and send me a little smack in the face and bring me back to the reality- a kingdom perspective. Man oh man, is He good or what!



"I have $80 in my wallet. 80. I don't get paid for over a month and a half. $80. That's it. I'm not in college, I make $7.40 an hour when i do work- which is like NEVER....I'm a poor college drop out yet again, with no clue of what the future holds. . .(side note: this is when it gets good). . .
However, you knew I'd be here ages before my mother even knew me. You knew the stress I'd face, the worry I'd feel. And you also knew and know that I'm going to be just fine. Mom will still put food on the table for me to eat, and dad will still lend me money when my gas tank is on E. And you'll keep blessing me with the sweetest, most beautiful brown faces I've ever known. You'll use the people of India to pour enough love on me to fill up my tank, the only tank that truly matters. You'll use the hungry babies in Kenya to remind me that even in "my poor" state, it doesn't come close to the poverty they live under. My belly will never grow hungry, yet 16000 children will die daily from hunger related issues. My old, wearing down BMW will still be worth more than they have or could even imagine of owning. I'll still have a job making (in one hour) more than most Indians make in an entire day. You remind me that no, I am not poor. I am not in need- Even when America's standards say $80 is nothing, the rest of the world tells me $80 is rich. And though i get overwhelmed quite often by my diminishing bank account, You remind me that You are truly all i need. You'll take care of the rest. You tell me not to worry about the time away from work to be in India, or Kenya, or wherever else I may end up- but that the ONLY thing I am to be concerned with is that these people receive the ONLY thing that will keep them from being poor, poor in spirit. . .YOU- Jesus Christ, the Savior of my soul and of theirs, the Provider, the Great I Am, for

YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE ALL WE NEED!"

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart is also. :Matthew 6:19-21

a new year, a new adventure

so long since I've blogged, and i feel like i have so much to say. for starters, this past 9 months since returning from India have been quite a struggle in many ways for me- but i understand now how God was still moving, working, and in control of it all, continuing to teach me even when i didn't want to be taught. Race season ended, thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone, and now we are about to encounter a brand new year, a new start, new beginning. I like new years, it's like waking up to God's mercies a new every morning yet for some reason I feel like on January 1st, I wake up to a little extra mercy from Him, a deep fresh breath, and lots of excitement for what's to come in the following 365 days.

But more than just a fresh year, I like to reflect on the previous one. Where God took me, what He's done in me, and through me. The ups, the downs, the tears, the laughter. And at the end of it all, no matter the struggles I've faced this year and still feel more blessed than ever. More honored and yet humbled that God picked me, called me, anointed me, and continues to do that in my life even when I just feel like laying in my bed and shedding a few tears for one reason or another.

So since the new year is approaching quite quickly now, I can't keep quiet any longer about my newest embarking that God has made available...This time I am India bound and not just that but also Kenya bound. That to me is like giving me the best sundae in town, then coming back and saying "I brought you some extra hot fudge and some sprinkles to top it off!" Not only has my heart and soul been longing to return to India since the moment i stepped foot back in America on March 7, 2011 but so have I always dreamed of going to Africa and seeing those sweet chocolate brown faces and big giant smiles all around me.

This Year God has heard my pleas to return to the place my heart longs for, and given me also a little extra hot fudge just because He loves me. Just because He likes to see me smile, Just because He wants to include me in his plan so perfect and so big. I feel blessed beyond measure, and so excited to take yet another adventure with Him. The one my heart beats for, and yet has been so desperately trying to find perfect communion with. My soul has been thirsty the past 9 months, like a lost soul in the desert desperately seeking just one drop of water to quench even a seconds thirst. It has been trying, It has been hard, but oh how I see now, that it has been worth it for one reason and one reason only...

God was there. God knew I would be there, He allowed me to walk a difficult time in what seemed like an eternity of wilderness, but He never left me, even the days i felt that he certainly had to have- He was still there reaching out to me, trying to quench my thirty spirit and I wouldn't let him. I was longing to go back in time, longing for what i once knew, longing for a place i missed, longing for a lot of things. And just simply saying No to what He has placed ahead of me, saying no to change, saying no to a new, different kind of growth. Yet He didn't give up on me, He didn't quit, He didn't turn away. He kept pursuing me with His relentless love for me.

And now, 9 months later as I feel like I am finally walking out of the wilderness and into a new season, maybe even a season of the promised land- I feel His presence, His voice, His spirit refreshing every part of me. Continuing to tell me to rest, to be patient, to accept His grace, His forgiveness, His love in its entirety.

He is so good, so faithful, so just, so real, so constant. And today I praise Him for the rough days, the happy days, the joyful days, the solemn days that this past year has held. I praise Him for choosing me to take yet another adventure to yet another beautiful land other than my own to love on His people. And I praise Him for quenching my thirsty soul day after day after day, and showing me that no matter where i search or where i hide- He is the ONLY one who can ever do such a thing for one's thirsty spirit.

He is the living water apart from Him we will never be satisfied.

Revelation 21:6 "And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment."

the flowers.

i feel like its been so long since i have updated on life and what God is doing. And seeing how its an absolutely BEAUTIFUL fall day i feel inspired.

I am (once again) on a search for what God has planned for me. I am motivated because of the vision for India He continues to let burn in my heart. A vision I'm confident He alone put in me. As for college, I'm seeking whether or not I really "need" it to do what I feel called to do. And if I do, what major should one pursue.

This basically is a blog to share whats going on in my life, share with you all the vision God has put in me, and maybe for an opportunity for yall to share any advice you may have if you feel led. If not, your prayers alone are greatly appreciated :)

The Vision for India that God has placed in me and just doesn't want to let me forget is this:
To have a home, or place for girls that were born in the brothels. I obviously want to see prostitutes rescued and ministries there for them, but i'm inspired to work with their daughters. The beautiful baby girls that were/are born into prostitution, before they are pushed into that way of life themselves. To get them off those streets, to instill in them the Hope of Christ, to show them life outside of the red light district. All the while encouraging them in Jesus, showing them how good and faithful He is, and hopefully seeing them grow into women of Christ that are used by HIM to change their own nation.

While I was in India back in February God spoke to me multiple times about taking care of the flowers. Strange i know, but i soon realized it was the little girls in which He has calling flowers. If one doesn't water, tend, and take care of the beauty of a flower- the beauty fades, the flower withers, and soon dies away. Same as for these precious girls in India, God's flowers, My flowers...Someone must go and tend to their beauty, their inner beauty. Someone must go water them- with LIVING WATER. Some one must go and shed Light- The Light of the world.
I feel God has called me to be that someone. I was able to see a very dark, cold, and sinful sight when i stood on the street corner of the red light district- God opened my eyes to a truth I had never known existed. He did it 1) because He knew I could handle the truth (or at least try) and 2) because he wanted to use me as His vessel to change it.



Now that i have seen, I am responsible.


As i seek the Lord on what is the first, or next step in pursuing this vision and starting the ministry, i ask for your prayers for guidance and patience. But more than that, prayer for girls we will minister to, wherever they may be today, whether born or unborn yet. pray for their mothers. pray for their protection. Pray for God to hold them in His arms and keep them safe until we are there. For He is the ultimate sustainer, the ultimate flower keeper. The Living Water, The Light of the World.

God uses the unlikely.

ive recently developed a love for historical fiction books, especially biblical history. so here's a recommendation for all your readers out there: Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers (favorite author of all time)

So far I've read Tamar, Rehab, and Ruth. I'm fascinated and in awe of these women and their faith in the ONE TRUE GOD.- the God they searched and desired even if He wasn't the god of their fathers. They yearned for more. They yearned for peace. And God picked them, He chose them from among the gentiles and used them in the lineage of Christ himself.

NOW that is LOVE.

If you don't feel like there's any way Christ would want to use you, if you feel discouraged, if you don't feel worthy, if you just don't understand why- this is my encouragement to you. God can, will, and wants to use you! nothing you've done, or could even think to do will change the way he feels towards you. You are his chosen one, His beloved, His child. Stop wallowing in your sorrows or shame, and put your eyes towards the maker of the heavens, the one who parted the Jordan river, who told the walls of Jericho to fall, who saved a prostitute from destruction, who answered prayer after prayer, and blessed the ones who put their faith in Him.

Let Him use YOU today. let Him answer YOUR prayers today. be the tamar, rehab, ruth. be the bathsheba, be the mary.


be the unlikely one whom God uses to change eternity.

Not yet my child.

last night i lay in my bed sobbing as i watched the documentary "born into the brothels" once again. only this time i saw it with different eyes...eyes that knew, eyes that had seen. I closed my eyes, and remembered. I watched them film on the crowded streets and pretended i was there beside them. And i stopped...and said, "Lord, ill quit school (again ha) and go there right this instant if you want. just say the words." i sat. i waited. and i heard a soft whisper..."not yet my child, but the time is coming soon." so i lay and wept, and prayed, and wondered where those sweet faces were today. I glanced up at my map on the wall and tried to imagine what was taking place on those streets as i lay in my warm, cozy, comfortable bed....where i don't have to share it with strange men night after night. and my heart ached for those beautiful girls. my heart ached for the rehabs in India, the ones who are searching for a way out, a way to the lover of their soul, a way to the ONLY one who can save them for the walls coming down.


Why Lord does it constantly find it's way into nearly every conversation, why Lord is it always in my thoughts, why Lord am i here when my soul is longing to be there.


Not yet my child, but the time is coming soon.




The Lord willing, we are going to try to go this off season. I AM SO EXCITED! God has been so good to me. I praise Him for the little things...like allowing me to see born into the brothels last night. I can always count on him to constantly keep my fire for india burning. HIS PLANS ARE GOOD. and i love Him for that.