saying no to everything, to find everything in nothing.

My first struggle about coming home was learning how to be "normal" again.- to interact socially again, to live my life in such a way as to "fit in" with those around me. This in turn led to being home- here i found i didn't want normal anymore. i wanted more, yet i wanted nothing so to speak. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere but here. Then God spoke loud and clear and said "You're home Ashton, Embrace it."

So here i am...i am becoming home- something very dangerous to become. And by that i mean, I'm reaching a state of contentment and comfort in the world, becoming self-sufficient, needing to rely very little on my sweet Savior. It's a scary and dangerous place to be- home. America: a land of endless resources, support, and opportunities. A land where frankly we can survive without even trusting in the Lord. NEW FLASH: i don't want to simply survive. I want to struggle, to need Him, to have that "cant live without Him" motto and it actually be true of my very life.

This is me...being completely open and vulnerable about the struggles I am facing. I have snuck back into a "comfortable" lifestyle when all along that was the one place i wanted to stay far away from. But how do we live in a such a way that our lives don't look like the world? How do we become a living, breathing representation of Romans 12:1-2?

"Therefore I urge you brothers and sisters, in the view of God's mercies to offer your bodies as living sacrifices- holy and pleasing to Him. For this is true worship. Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, perfect, and pleasing will."

That's the journey i am now on- seeking a life fully reliant on Christ when everything i could ever want or need is right before my eyes. To say "no" to everything and find everything in nothing.