This week I've been so homesick. so eager to see my family, and my sweet best friends. so desperate to be at my church. so ready to lay in my OWN room, in my OWN bed, all ALONE. in a house of 23 girls, there is never a moment of silence, nor a moment of alone time. Don't get me wrong, i love this place. i love what God is teaching me, i love how He is continually throwing me in "the refiners fire." It's tough though. It's different. It's just not home. This is week 7 and it is by far the most homesick i've been. Then i remind myself that i'm only 3 weeks out from being in the place i love most- my home. With the people i love more than life.
As i sit and ponder how much i want to be at home, I am reminded that my life will never be the same after this experience. It's different now. I am different now. And then God reminds me again that He has called me to a different place. Home will always be there, but I may not. I wonder where it is that He'll send me. I wonder what He has planned for me. I better not get ahead of myself- i must stop. I must regather my thoughts, my fears, my emotions. He is in control. He has a plan bigger than i see. And for now, I am here- for such a time as this.
"Let me not be blind with privilege, give me eyes to see the pain. let the blessing you've poured out on me not be spent on me in vain. let this life be used for change. i will go, i will go, i will go. Lord send me to the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything i am, I'm clay within your hands. i will go, i will go. send me."
that's my prayer. I want to go where He sends me. I have BIG dreams- dreams that most people probably don't think are even real. But watch me, God willing, those dreams will become my reality. I'm convinced, that God is using me- an ordinary girl- for an extraordinary purpose.
Could yall do me a favor this week? PRAY. pray that the homesickness will go away. That God will give me grace enough to make it through the next 3 weeks. Pray that I will have a clear mind and heart, letting God fill me with himself in order that I might be used. Pray that I am focused on the One that matters most.
I love you all, and I appreciate your love for me.
its me again my love. and the praying hasnt stopped now i know what to pray about! wonderful! and also, i love this thing, dont feel weird for writing in it if you do, because i loveee to read it! keep your little head up my sweet, and just sit back and enjoy, i envy you for being where i should be. <3
ReplyDeleteyour posts are such a blessing. Praying we are. Your family and church family are lifting you up in our prayers often. Next week is mission week at FBC and I can assure you, your name will be among the names lifted up. No you are not there yet but you are preparing for the mission He has in store for you. God has a wonderful plan for you and you are blessing those of us who is reading about your journey. I pray for courage and strength beyond your imagination. I am blessed to know you my dear young God child. Dana
ReplyDeleteI know I am much older than you, and I even turned 70 this past Oct., but I recently went thru some changes in my life. I had stored junk inside myself for 60+ years and about a month ago, I had counseling from a very fine Christian friend of mine. She helped me work out and get rid of all that junk that had been around my neck and in my mind for all those years. I replaced all the junk with Jesus Christ. I put Him into all the caves, corners, hiding places, and all thru my body all the way up thru my brain. Now Jesus is all thru me and I don't have any burdens that Jesus doesn't already have. He has become me and I have become Him. I am not perfect, as we know, but I am better and more equiped to present Jesus to everybody than I have ever been. I am FREE, FREE, of all that binds us down and HE HAS SET ME FREE. I am no longer mine, I am HIS. I feel like a new creature. I am a new woman. Praise God that you are so young and you have given Him all of yourself. I pray for you, I admire you, I love you. You are such an inspiration to all of us. You dared to follow Jesus and He will lead you all the way. Bless your heart. In Jesus' love, Sonia
ReplyDeleteAshton, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers; God will guide and you certianly will finish strong with him beside you all the way through this wonderful journey! "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Heb 11:1
ReplyDeleteYou my dear have certainly stepped out on your FAITH. Love your sweet spirit girl! Sharon Bumgardner
Reading through these have made me see that, life is not about me.. It's about Our Wonderful God! & I have never been touched this much by anything before.. Reading this, shows me God.. Working through you! You are a amazing girl.. & i am very thankful we have people as dedicated and in the word, as you are!
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