For He is holding my hand.

I was having my quiet time last week, and this is what God spoke into my life- it came as a vision, it played like a movie, and i wrote it as i watched.

I am a missionary.-I AM, not i will be someday, but i am NOW. this is what God created me to do. He had this all planned out from before I was made. At conception He was pleased. When he heard my first cry his face filled with excitement. I was finally here. My plan on Earth had officially begun.

He's walked ahead of me these past 19 years, but even better than that He's walked along side of me- holding my hand. Many times I begged for Him to let me go, to let me do things on my own- Even sometimes He'd release me from His grip but never out of sight. I was too special to his heart to get away. Once I saw and recognized i'd been stubborn, I always came dashing back. I couldn't stay away. I wanted to be near Him. I wanted him to lead. I wanted my hand in His. Thats where i belonged. Everytime i returned He'd look at me with a smile, embrace me with a hug, and whisper in my ear, "I'm glad you didn't go far, im glad youre back, cause i've got big things planned for you. It would've broke my heart to see you miss out on that. Welcome back my ashton."

So here i am walking alongside my Jesus, my Savior- the one who never lets me out of sight. The one who rejoiced at my birth and at His plans for my life. And I'm at this place when things are drastically changing. Here i stand at a crossroads in life- I look back and see normality, comfort, and habit. But i look ahead and see that everything is different. As i stand at this crossroads the Lord again whispers to me, "This time let's just wait. I need to prepare you for the things to come. we've got a lot to work through before it's time to take this leap of faith. Just trust me, my plans are good. I won't let go of your hand." For a moment i try to fight back, "But Jesus, i like normal, i like comfort. I can't do it, I'm not strong enough. I'm not ready to leave it all behind. Not me Lord. are you sure you have the right girl?" This was his reply, " It's you. I knew you before you let out your first cry. I had this planned long before you had even a clue of it. You may be weak, but I am strong. Hold my hand cause it's you that i want to take with me on this adventure. Life with me isn't normal, it's not easy, and it's not comfortable. But I AM the great comforter. I am your strong tower. Ashton, trust me- I won't let go. I don't expect you to leave it all behind, take it with you. It's who you are. But realize that greater things are yet to come. You are the girl for this job. It's you i made this for. Accept that i think you are good enough. I believe in you. Now believe in me."

At that moment I see who I am. I see what God has made for me, i see all the times He believed in me when i didn't believe in myself. And it's in that moment that i realize this- I am a missionary. I am called to a life where normality isn't always involved. I am part of a magnificent plan that God picked just for me to fulfill. He is my comforter when it gets hard- for He is holding my hand.

week 5!

hey everyone!

it seems my updating may be fewer from from now cause lucky little me has a broken computer. yay for that! NOT :) haha

um, let's see where to start- this week we separated from the guys and we did a video study called "ancient paths" this week. which i seriously think EVERY body (especially youth groups/ young adults) need to watch. it was so good!

basically it's been a time of healing our hearts this week, from parental hurts and failed relationships, fighting against the lies that the enemy throws at us and replacing that with the Truths from God. WHO AM I? that's the question. And who do i let answer the question?

praise the Lord, for the blessing of having wonderful, Godly parents that never spoke lies into my life and heart. Nor did they withhold blessings from me for letting me grow up. Did you know that God designed our fathers to hold the key to our hearts, as daughters, to release us into our destiny. Allowing us to go from being little girls, and in turn becoming the women God intended for us to be. I am so thankful my father understood that, and was actually present in my life- making me the person that i am today. This week has given me a new appreciation for my parents, i am one stinkin' lucky gal. I don't deserve them, but i no longer want to take them for granted. Thank you Dad and Mom for a job well done :)

This week has definitely been a lot to take in, emotionally & spiritually. But i can honestly say- i feel freed from a lot of past hurts and such that i've been carrying with me. God is faithful. week 5 and He is still teaching me new things daily. I'm so glad to be here with this opportunity, but i won't lie- i miss home. i can't wait to see the "welcome to tennessee" sign in about a month! what a wonderful thanksgiving it will be, for numerous reasons :)

Our internet cuts off at 8, so i've gotta wrap this thing up. I miss you all mucho! thank you for your prayers, I couldn't do it with out them. I pray God blesses each of you greatly for the time you take to lift me up during this season of my life! Your prayers are not in vain.

love you all, To God be the Glory!
-ashton :)

ps- if any of you feel led to support the last bit i have to pay, it's due before i come home for Christmas so pray about it and email me if you feel that's the direction in which GOD is leading you. clapp_ashton@yahoo.com THANK YOU!

nothing can seperate.

here is something God spoke into my life this morning, what a revelation! (there is more to this story, but for sake of being public i'll keep is short and simple.) Today, for the first ever, I realized why my perception of God's love for me has been so altered. For the longest time, i've felt the need to prove myself to him. Thinking if i did something good he might love me more, but if i messed up he was going to love me less. And for the longest time i didn't understand why this was my perception on His love, considering that both of my parents loved me in the most Godly way that i think was possible. They disciplined me so i would know right from wrong, but i never ever doubted their love for me. Nor did i think they ever loved me less when i did something they weren't proud of. So why on earth did I view God's love any different? well, today He showed me why. Somethings happened in past frienships/relationships where i in turn, changed the way i viewed God's love for me. But GUESS WHAT! I've got some really great news for all of you that struggle with this same thing.....

God's love never changes. He loves me the same today as He did yesterday. And being a missionary doesn't mean He loves me more, and not spending enough time in His word daily doesn't mean He loves me less. I don't have to prove ANYTHING to him. He loves the murderers, the thiefs, the abusers exactly the same way he loves me. The only thing it means when we are away from him, when we harden our hearts to Him- is that we miss out on receiving that love. It's still there, we've just chosen to ignore it. We all are his creation, created in HIS image. He finds joy in me, He delights in me, He calls me beautiful. And that goes for you too! what a beautiful picture that is! God's love will never change, it stays the same through the ages. What a refreshing thought that God brought to me this morning, such a relief to finally take off the lies of the enemy and see my sweet savior's love for what it really is: CONSTANT.

"He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is His love to those who fear Him." :psalm 103:10-11

SIDE NOTE: go listen to- "your love never fails" by Jesus Culture.

week tres, and missing home.

hey guys :)
here is my weekly update- this week i had some struggles, and had to recognize how desperately satan wants to attack this place and me also. Thankfully, because of Jesus i made it through and in the process i learned LOTS of things i'd never been exposed to before. This week we had a speaker from monroe come, George Davidiuk, and the beginning of the week he spoke on bible meditation. Joshua 1:8- "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; MEDITATE on it day and night." i've seriously read that scripture a thousand times, and all along i though meditate meant to read or study the Word. This week i learned that meditation seeks the practical application of information to a person's life. What does the scripture ask me to do? So for this first time this week...i MEDITATED on scripture and allowed God to reveal something that was appliable to my life through it! Later in the week George spoke on TRUTH. and we went over 21 questions that everyone wants to know the TRUTH about. (i have lots of notes, so i'll share!)- this day was so incredible. Finally, things i never truly knew the truth about were biblically explained to me. And lastly, on Friday we had Chris's friend, Benny Prasad (look him up on youtube!) come and share his testimony and music with us. He has the most radical faith i've ever personally seen in front of me, and God willing in November he will set the world record for traveling the EVERY country in the world in the shortest time (6 years and 7 months!) and all by the grace of God! His story is incredible to say the least.

okay so that brings us to the weekend- saturday we took a ywam family road trip to see the leaves and mountains! God took my breath away, it was such a refreshing day for my soul. I love that God took the time to create the mountains, and the beauty in them. We drove up to boone, and had bbq- such great bonding time! then today (sunday) we went to Chris's church, then trevor came to visit & took me, steph, and em to lunch & ice skating. Then we had a volleyball tournament with EVERYONE out in the yard. it was so intense, but i will say-my team WON, CHAMPS!!! hahaha

i'm starting to miss home so much. so shout out to all of my fairview family- being away makes me miss being at church with you all more than i could have ever imagined, even more so when i know daddy is preaching :( every sunday i wake up and wish i was "at home". at writing this brings tears to my eyes, thank you all for loving Jesus and loving me too. I appreciate your cards and prayers so much!

and next- momma bear & daddy- i miss you all more than you know. thank you for being supportive this past week and also for allowing me to spread my wings and be a big girl.

gram, brother, titi, uncle matt, allie gator & andrew: i cant wait for thanksgiving. I MISS YOU all so much it hurts.

my sweet best friends- i want you all to know that even though we don't get to talk as much, you're still MINE. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. And MADISON: put a smile on baby girl- i'll always be here.


alright, now that i have cried and gotten all emotional, i think i'll go to bed! hope this blog hasn't completely bored to death. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!


To God be the Glory for the GREAT things He has done (and doing!)
-ashton :)

i love this.

The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me to preach
the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind
up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for
the captives and release from darkness for the
prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lords favor
and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort
all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown a beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment
of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will
be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the
Lord for the display of his splendor.

:isaiah 61: 1-3

God brought me to this scripture last week, and i just can't seem to let it go. this is my prayer today.

excitement has filled the air!!!!

first off, i will start by apologizing for not updating all of you beautiful people back home as often as i would like. this place is crazy busy & it's difficult to make time for the internet! so i decided, while i have a bit of down time i'll just lay it all out at once! so hold on tight, cause here we go :)

where should a gal start? probably by saying....I LOVE IT HERE! i have never been more at peace about anything in my life. THIS IS WHERE GOD WANTS ME. last week we got situated and started classes, we had a speaker named Dave (from nashville...holllllaaaaa!), and he was incredible. God spoke so much to me through his lectures. The first couple of days were on hearing God's voice, which is something i really took to heart, and just in the past two weeks i am beginning to hear God more and more clearly in my own life. Then later in the week, He touched on relationships and what a Godly, "right" relationship is supposed to look like, among eachother and with God. obviously for any 19 year old girl- this was exactly the topic i needed! haha so needless to say, It was a great learning week. On top of lectures, and various outreach and intercession times, we've really bonded and shared lots of laughs!

NOW, that brings us to this week. Pete Iliyn from Oregon came and spoke on repentance. And what that looks like in our every day lives. We are to view repentance as a daily attitude and perspective. My favorite thing we talked about was intimacy and what that looks like. So you know how when you see an elderly couple that have been together for decades, and you think to yourself, "wow they look alike?" well, that's what our intimacy with Christ should be too. Can you imagine what it would be like to look, act, and even SMELL like Christ? and then, how exactly do you get to that point? simple. -by dwelling in the presence of Jesus on a regular basis. Learn to soak Him in, take all of him, and walk away "looking like Jesus".

There is so much i wish i could share, but it's overwhelming to look through my notes and pick what to write about. I do promise that I will try my hardest to update more regularly and also touch more in depth about what God is teaching me. He really is HERE. I'm falling in love, and for the first time in my life- it's with the most perfect mate I could find. God is good, all the time. His mercies endure forever.

OKAY- don't stop reading just yet....the best part is yet to come!

we found out today in class that for outreach (after christmas) that we are going to....INDIA!!! i could NOT be more excited. The past 2 weeks God has put such a strong desire in my heart to be with these people, and now it's official. We've been reading a book about child slave trade, and human trafficking, and so hopefully that's the direction God will lead us for our work in India. As of right now, we do know that we will be split into about 3 groups because our class is so large, but we are praying about what state in India that God wants us to be. It's such an exciting time here!

Thank you all so much for your love, cards, and prayers. i miss each of you and can't wait to hug your necks! please continue to lift us up in prayer: prayers for more sponsorships for outreach, prayers for hungry hearts and open hearts, and prayers for the people in India that God has divine appointments set up for us to be apart of! i love you all so so so much!

To God be the Glory, for the great things He has done!!!

-ashton