For He is holding my hand.

I was having my quiet time last week, and this is what God spoke into my life- it came as a vision, it played like a movie, and i wrote it as i watched.

I am a missionary.-I AM, not i will be someday, but i am NOW. this is what God created me to do. He had this all planned out from before I was made. At conception He was pleased. When he heard my first cry his face filled with excitement. I was finally here. My plan on Earth had officially begun.

He's walked ahead of me these past 19 years, but even better than that He's walked along side of me- holding my hand. Many times I begged for Him to let me go, to let me do things on my own- Even sometimes He'd release me from His grip but never out of sight. I was too special to his heart to get away. Once I saw and recognized i'd been stubborn, I always came dashing back. I couldn't stay away. I wanted to be near Him. I wanted him to lead. I wanted my hand in His. Thats where i belonged. Everytime i returned He'd look at me with a smile, embrace me with a hug, and whisper in my ear, "I'm glad you didn't go far, im glad youre back, cause i've got big things planned for you. It would've broke my heart to see you miss out on that. Welcome back my ashton."

So here i am walking alongside my Jesus, my Savior- the one who never lets me out of sight. The one who rejoiced at my birth and at His plans for my life. And I'm at this place when things are drastically changing. Here i stand at a crossroads in life- I look back and see normality, comfort, and habit. But i look ahead and see that everything is different. As i stand at this crossroads the Lord again whispers to me, "This time let's just wait. I need to prepare you for the things to come. we've got a lot to work through before it's time to take this leap of faith. Just trust me, my plans are good. I won't let go of your hand." For a moment i try to fight back, "But Jesus, i like normal, i like comfort. I can't do it, I'm not strong enough. I'm not ready to leave it all behind. Not me Lord. are you sure you have the right girl?" This was his reply, " It's you. I knew you before you let out your first cry. I had this planned long before you had even a clue of it. You may be weak, but I am strong. Hold my hand cause it's you that i want to take with me on this adventure. Life with me isn't normal, it's not easy, and it's not comfortable. But I AM the great comforter. I am your strong tower. Ashton, trust me- I won't let go. I don't expect you to leave it all behind, take it with you. It's who you are. But realize that greater things are yet to come. You are the girl for this job. It's you i made this for. Accept that i think you are good enough. I believe in you. Now believe in me."

At that moment I see who I am. I see what God has made for me, i see all the times He believed in me when i didn't believe in myself. And it's in that moment that i realize this- I am a missionary. I am called to a life where normality isn't always involved. I am part of a magnificent plan that God picked just for me to fulfill. He is my comforter when it gets hard- for He is holding my hand.