"Lord, I don't NOT want to give my best lamb to you."
that was my prayer the other day and this is the revelation God spoke to my heart, in response to my cry.
God invited me over to dinner, (after asking what my favorite meal was of course). So he fixed me my momma's baked chicken, grammy's mashed potatoes, sister shubert rolls, and a big glass of sweet tea. So i went to dinner and enjoyed EVERY bite. later i cam to find out that God didn't actually even like baked chicken but he cooked it and ate it because he knew how much i longed for it. He really does love me that much. So in appreciation for his dinner for me i asked him over to eat at my house. He told me what his favorite meal was so i told him then time in which to be at my house ready to eat like a crazy man. As i was preparing his meal i decided i didnt have the time or energy. so instead i got our some chicken and potatoes and heated them up in the microwave and waited for his arrival. the time came and God walked in, sat at the table, and i served him the few bites i had leftover. He never complained nor said a word. He ate his few bites and was simply quiet. But then i looked at him and saw it. I hadnt given him my best. i hadnt given what he deserved. Id given what i wanted, what i could handle, what i was comfortable fixing. And thats when it all became so clear to me...he served me forgiveness, redemption, grace, and love, but more than anything else- he gave me Jesus. Even though he didnt like seeing him suffer and died- he did it cause he knew it was what my soul would crave. he knew jesus would satisfy my hunger. He loved me enough. And in return, to show my appreciation...i served only what i wanted. what didnt take much sacrifice. i gave him my attitude (but only sometimes), i gave him my future (but only the parts i didnt want to plan for myself), and i gave him my friendships (yet only cause i wanted him to bless them even more). And other than that i kept everything else for myself....so much for showing that im grateful. I served him a lousy bite of leftovers, and the entire time he never said a word. He ate the bite, and didnt complain. But i saw it in his eyes- he wanted more. He wanted me.
would you ever actually have the creator of the universe over and not feed him your best meal? so why friends do we live our lives in such a way that he only gets a bite or two?
Now here is my challenge to you...what meal lhas God asked you to prepare? what meal did he tell you was his favorite? For me, he asked for my family, my american dream, for my relationships, my comfort, but more than all of that He's asked for my heart. The keys to my garden, my temple, my soul. and now that Ive seen the look in his eyes- I'd never want to intentionally keep him from all of that. Just like He satisfied my hunger, i want to satisfy His. I want to serve my best meal, my best lamb cause thats what He deserves and desires. What are you serving today?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
incredible india.
"now that i have seen, i am responsible. faith without deeds is dead. now that i have held you, in my own arms, i won't let go til you are HIS."
this song has quickly become the song of my life. after spending a few days in the 2nd largest city in the world and the 3rd largest red light district- Mumbai has forever changed me. The things i saw, will never be erased, and now...i am responsible to do something, anything. Walking in the heart of the red light district, brothels on both sides of the street, and as far as the eye can see. Every man is a pimp or a customer, every woman a prostitute, and every child destined for this same life. I saw men coming down the stairs putting their clothes back on. I saw babies hiding in their mothers arms, as her own eyes are filled with hopelessness like Ive never seen before. America needs to see. America needs to know. the injustices across the world are almost unbearable to even think of. In India alone nearly 8 million women are prostitutes. 3.3 of those are ages 15-18, and 2 million are between the ages of 5 and 15. HALF of the girls are minors. And over 90% of these women were lied to, stolen, forced, or sold by their own loved ones into this life. Majority, with no way out. Its sickening. The images i have stuck in my head will never leave, and I'm at the point where i pray they never will. I pray i never be "okay" with the things i saw. I pray i never lose the righteous anger i have inside for this injustice. Purity, Hope, Life has been stolen. What will it take to get those things back for these women. The answer is simple...Jesus. Restoration. Rescue. But that answer is much easier said than done. So let's start with something tangible...PRAY. Are you supposed to do something about it? Be open. Let the Lord speak.
As I walked the streets of Mumbai, a woman stopped me and began begging me to take her baby boy home with me to America. My eyes flooded with tears. That's love, real love. She loved him so much that she was actually willing and begging for me to take him away because she knew life with me, a white stranger, was far better than any life she could even imagine of giving him.
Wow. That's humbling.
Needless to say, the week i spent in mumbai was a very emotional week, but i am so honored that God picked ME to do this. I cant fathom why, but i will embrace it. For i have been called to India for such a time as this. And for that, i will praise my Savior all the more.
Now, I'm back in Hyderabad. A city that I've grown to love. God's city. God's place. They just need to blinders to be lifted. Psalm 115:4-8 says, "Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes but do not see. They have ears but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. They have hands but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. Those who make them become like them, and so do all who trust in them." As i read this verse a few days ago, my heart was stirred up inside. We must pray against these things in the lives of the Hindus here in India. They have become like their gods, and OUR GOD is greater. Their eyes, ears, hearts, lips must be open. Pray for that. Pray for the veils to be lifted, that they may come to know the ONE TRUE GOD. The lover of their souls. The King of Kings, Prince of Peace.
its week three for me. India is more than i could've dreamed for. I miss home more than i could've imagined, but He is holding my hand. I'm here for a purpose, and that is enough to keep doing what I'm doing. I appreciate all the prayers, and uplifting emails and posts. They help me get through the tough days. I would love to update more, however duty calls. I only get one day a week for internet, so just keep praying. And when i get back in march ill be sure to share ALL my stories! LOVE to you all. MISS you all so much.
TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!
this song has quickly become the song of my life. after spending a few days in the 2nd largest city in the world and the 3rd largest red light district- Mumbai has forever changed me. The things i saw, will never be erased, and now...i am responsible to do something, anything. Walking in the heart of the red light district, brothels on both sides of the street, and as far as the eye can see. Every man is a pimp or a customer, every woman a prostitute, and every child destined for this same life. I saw men coming down the stairs putting their clothes back on. I saw babies hiding in their mothers arms, as her own eyes are filled with hopelessness like Ive never seen before. America needs to see. America needs to know. the injustices across the world are almost unbearable to even think of. In India alone nearly 8 million women are prostitutes. 3.3 of those are ages 15-18, and 2 million are between the ages of 5 and 15. HALF of the girls are minors. And over 90% of these women were lied to, stolen, forced, or sold by their own loved ones into this life. Majority, with no way out. Its sickening. The images i have stuck in my head will never leave, and I'm at the point where i pray they never will. I pray i never be "okay" with the things i saw. I pray i never lose the righteous anger i have inside for this injustice. Purity, Hope, Life has been stolen. What will it take to get those things back for these women. The answer is simple...Jesus. Restoration. Rescue. But that answer is much easier said than done. So let's start with something tangible...PRAY. Are you supposed to do something about it? Be open. Let the Lord speak.
As I walked the streets of Mumbai, a woman stopped me and began begging me to take her baby boy home with me to America. My eyes flooded with tears. That's love, real love. She loved him so much that she was actually willing and begging for me to take him away because she knew life with me, a white stranger, was far better than any life she could even imagine of giving him.
Wow. That's humbling.
Needless to say, the week i spent in mumbai was a very emotional week, but i am so honored that God picked ME to do this. I cant fathom why, but i will embrace it. For i have been called to India for such a time as this. And for that, i will praise my Savior all the more.
Now, I'm back in Hyderabad. A city that I've grown to love. God's city. God's place. They just need to blinders to be lifted. Psalm 115:4-8 says, "Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes but do not see. They have ears but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. They have hands but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. Those who make them become like them, and so do all who trust in them." As i read this verse a few days ago, my heart was stirred up inside. We must pray against these things in the lives of the Hindus here in India. They have become like their gods, and OUR GOD is greater. Their eyes, ears, hearts, lips must be open. Pray for that. Pray for the veils to be lifted, that they may come to know the ONE TRUE GOD. The lover of their souls. The King of Kings, Prince of Peace.
its week three for me. India is more than i could've dreamed for. I miss home more than i could've imagined, but He is holding my hand. I'm here for a purpose, and that is enough to keep doing what I'm doing. I appreciate all the prayers, and uplifting emails and posts. They help me get through the tough days. I would love to update more, however duty calls. I only get one day a week for internet, so just keep praying. And when i get back in march ill be sure to share ALL my stories! LOVE to you all. MISS you all so much.
TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!
Monday, December 20, 2010
11 days left in the US!
dear friends!
it's been so long since i have last updated, but i figured I'd better squeeze in one last blog before this season of my life comes to a close. I've had an extremely bittersweet bundle of emotions the last week to say the least. I'm so ready to be home for a week yet so not ready for this season of my life to come to be officially over. I will never get this dynamic EVER again in my life. no matter how much i try, I'll never get this same atmosphere again. Yet, i know that i didn't come to discipleship training school to sit around and never become a real disciple. Now that this season is ending, it's time to do my duties- make disciples.
i will never be able to express to you all what an amazing three months this has been for me. i have met Jesus face to face, and completely changed my view of things in this world. I realize now MORE of who He really is, and i say more because with that there is even more to learn. i have found my identity in Christ. I have, for the first time, really taken the time to ask Him what He thinks about me. Who does He say I am? I've had revelation after revelation of how much He loves me, and it overwhelms me. His mercies really are new EVERY morning. His love really WONT ever change. He really does have GREAT plans for my life, and i trust Him with that. God is good. And i want the prayer of my life to be that i will praise Him in both the good times and the bad, for He has made them both. NOTHING at all ever happens without His allowing. NOTHING ever happens that He doesn't first put it into motion. and as difficult as that is to accept when tough times come, I still know that HE IS GOD. all the time. And for that i will continue to praise His name.
The goodbye's here will be far from fun. But with them come hello's at home. And then the goodbye's at home will be even harder, Yet with them come hello's in India. today as i complained about how my life has been so full of goodbye's lately, a good friend of mine said this, "Ashton, just remember with every goodbye comes a new hello." It really hit home for me. Yes i am saying goodbye to half of my family here at ywam since we will be split up in India, but i get new hellos once i arrive home to Corryton. And then with those goodbyes, i get to meet so many beautiful people in India. in the end- all these goodbyes become worth it.
This Christmas is going to be my favorite of all, i can just feel it. I've developed such a greater appreciation for my family and close friends while being away. I've realize just how truly blessed i am. I know that God picked all these things JUST FOR ME, why wouldn't i praise Him. This Christmas, in my heart, i will be celebrating Jesus. The WORD becoming FLESH. The baby in a manger. The savior of my soul. The ultimate servant, healer, friend, lover. That's whom i will celebrate this year. I pray that i may never lose this tasting of Him, that nothing will ever take away the love i have developed for Jesus and for the nations. I want to be a world changer. But i cannot do it alone. I need to accept his strength each morning, and pray for a fresh anointing to do the things He has called me to do daily. This really is the greatest season of all, Christmas.
To wrap this all up, I'm going to give you a brief list of what I will be doing in India and where I'll be living. My first week or two-ish will be in Mumbai working with an orphanage of rescued children from brothels. We, as a base, support nine girls that have been rescued and we'll be taking them and the other orphans to the Himalayas for a weekend to just hang out and love on them. Then back to Mumbai to minister in the red light district there- which is either 2nd or 3rd largest in the world after Amsterdam. Then my team will leave Mumbai and head back to Hyderabad where we will stay for the next month. There we are working in orphanages, schools (teaching English), AIDS clinic, AIDS hospital, the slums, and a prostitute colony. We will also be doing evangelism in the parks, mall, train station, and other various places. This is mainly what our ministry times will look like in Hyderabad. The next month (Jan. 28- Feb. 28) we'll be flying to Jaipur. There we haven't been told exactly what ministry looks like yet, but most likely it will be about the same thing. Then my last week will be spent back in Hyderabad finishing up ministry there. I am so excited for the amazing things God has in store for India. He is ready to bring a new, fresh wind of His grace to that place, and I'm so humbled to be apart of it!
Lastly, here are a few prayer needs i have:
1) as a school we still need around $10,000 in order for everyone in our school to go to India. Jehovah Jireh! God our provider.
2) my week at home, that i will continue to walk forward in my relationship with Christ. Even though I'm on break, i still need prayers. This is when the enemy likes to attack the most. (and pray for all the other students/staff as well!)
3) My family as I prepare to leave for India. Pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding. A peace that even they can't explain.
4) My grammy. I believe Jesus wants to heal her from all that nasty cancer. He is BIGGER than any disease and any diagnosis. Pray for complete healing. Just one touch of the master.
5) the hearts of India. That they will be ready for the HOPE that they've been searching for.
i love each of you more than words could express. your prayers, your cards, your emails, your support has been amazing. I pray blessings for each of you! Merry Christmas to you & your families! And Praise Jesus for the life He has given YOU :)
For I have tasted and seen that HE IS GOOD! To Him be all the glory, honor, and praise.
it's been so long since i have last updated, but i figured I'd better squeeze in one last blog before this season of my life comes to a close. I've had an extremely bittersweet bundle of emotions the last week to say the least. I'm so ready to be home for a week yet so not ready for this season of my life to come to be officially over. I will never get this dynamic EVER again in my life. no matter how much i try, I'll never get this same atmosphere again. Yet, i know that i didn't come to discipleship training school to sit around and never become a real disciple. Now that this season is ending, it's time to do my duties- make disciples.
i will never be able to express to you all what an amazing three months this has been for me. i have met Jesus face to face, and completely changed my view of things in this world. I realize now MORE of who He really is, and i say more because with that there is even more to learn. i have found my identity in Christ. I have, for the first time, really taken the time to ask Him what He thinks about me. Who does He say I am? I've had revelation after revelation of how much He loves me, and it overwhelms me. His mercies really are new EVERY morning. His love really WONT ever change. He really does have GREAT plans for my life, and i trust Him with that. God is good. And i want the prayer of my life to be that i will praise Him in both the good times and the bad, for He has made them both. NOTHING at all ever happens without His allowing. NOTHING ever happens that He doesn't first put it into motion. and as difficult as that is to accept when tough times come, I still know that HE IS GOD. all the time. And for that i will continue to praise His name.
The goodbye's here will be far from fun. But with them come hello's at home. And then the goodbye's at home will be even harder, Yet with them come hello's in India. today as i complained about how my life has been so full of goodbye's lately, a good friend of mine said this, "Ashton, just remember with every goodbye comes a new hello." It really hit home for me. Yes i am saying goodbye to half of my family here at ywam since we will be split up in India, but i get new hellos once i arrive home to Corryton. And then with those goodbyes, i get to meet so many beautiful people in India. in the end- all these goodbyes become worth it.
This Christmas is going to be my favorite of all, i can just feel it. I've developed such a greater appreciation for my family and close friends while being away. I've realize just how truly blessed i am. I know that God picked all these things JUST FOR ME, why wouldn't i praise Him. This Christmas, in my heart, i will be celebrating Jesus. The WORD becoming FLESH. The baby in a manger. The savior of my soul. The ultimate servant, healer, friend, lover. That's whom i will celebrate this year. I pray that i may never lose this tasting of Him, that nothing will ever take away the love i have developed for Jesus and for the nations. I want to be a world changer. But i cannot do it alone. I need to accept his strength each morning, and pray for a fresh anointing to do the things He has called me to do daily. This really is the greatest season of all, Christmas.
To wrap this all up, I'm going to give you a brief list of what I will be doing in India and where I'll be living. My first week or two-ish will be in Mumbai working with an orphanage of rescued children from brothels. We, as a base, support nine girls that have been rescued and we'll be taking them and the other orphans to the Himalayas for a weekend to just hang out and love on them. Then back to Mumbai to minister in the red light district there- which is either 2nd or 3rd largest in the world after Amsterdam. Then my team will leave Mumbai and head back to Hyderabad where we will stay for the next month. There we are working in orphanages, schools (teaching English), AIDS clinic, AIDS hospital, the slums, and a prostitute colony. We will also be doing evangelism in the parks, mall, train station, and other various places. This is mainly what our ministry times will look like in Hyderabad. The next month (Jan. 28- Feb. 28) we'll be flying to Jaipur. There we haven't been told exactly what ministry looks like yet, but most likely it will be about the same thing. Then my last week will be spent back in Hyderabad finishing up ministry there. I am so excited for the amazing things God has in store for India. He is ready to bring a new, fresh wind of His grace to that place, and I'm so humbled to be apart of it!
Lastly, here are a few prayer needs i have:
1) as a school we still need around $10,000 in order for everyone in our school to go to India. Jehovah Jireh! God our provider.
2) my week at home, that i will continue to walk forward in my relationship with Christ. Even though I'm on break, i still need prayers. This is when the enemy likes to attack the most. (and pray for all the other students/staff as well!)
3) My family as I prepare to leave for India. Pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding. A peace that even they can't explain.
4) My grammy. I believe Jesus wants to heal her from all that nasty cancer. He is BIGGER than any disease and any diagnosis. Pray for complete healing. Just one touch of the master.
5) the hearts of India. That they will be ready for the HOPE that they've been searching for.
i love each of you more than words could express. your prayers, your cards, your emails, your support has been amazing. I pray blessings for each of you! Merry Christmas to you & your families! And Praise Jesus for the life He has given YOU :)
For I have tasted and seen that HE IS GOOD! To Him be all the glory, honor, and praise.
Monday, December 6, 2010
emailing from india.
hip hip hoooray, 3 weeks and 4 days until i'm off to India for 2.5 months! So in preparation for that, i'm making an emailing list. Here's the deal, internet access will be limited while i'm gone, but i know i'll for sure get one day a week to email and call home. If you would like to receive an update each week of all that God is doing then if you could please send me your email address to clapp_ashton@yahoo.com, send me a message on facebook, or leave a comment on this post i'll add you to the list!This way i can email everyone an update all at once which will make things MUCH easier on me. Please don't be offended if i don't respond individually, I promise i will try my hardest! Also, even if I don't personally know you but you'd still like updates, feel free to send me your email address- the more the merrier!
Each of you have been such a blessing to my life, and we are now about to see what all your prayers put into action! i am fully confident that God is going to do miraculous things in India, and I am so thankful each of you have a part in that. Like in Ezekiel 37, I am ready to see the dry bones come alive! Please continue to lift up my team and the others as well as we finish up our last 2.5 weeks of lecture phase!
-to God be ALL the glory!
Each of you have been such a blessing to my life, and we are now about to see what all your prayers put into action! i am fully confident that God is going to do miraculous things in India, and I am so thankful each of you have a part in that. Like in Ezekiel 37, I am ready to see the dry bones come alive! Please continue to lift up my team and the others as well as we finish up our last 2.5 weeks of lecture phase!
-to God be ALL the glory!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
let's pray for the nations.
every Tuesday morning we have intercession for the nations, and it hit me today- why on earth would i let it stop when i say amen? so tonight i'm bringing you all a challenge. let's pray for the nations. here's the deal, every Tuesday (which i actually only have 3 more left here in NC) ill give yall the nation. and the pray points in which you can join in on praying.
something i have learned over the past 11 weeks of DTS is the importance of intercession. I find it such a humbling yet special privilege to be able to stand in the gap and cry out for those who can't be heard. i would love nothing more than for every christian i know to rise up and change the world through active intercession for the brokenhearted, lost, hurting, and darkened hearts of our brothers and sisters. let's do this! *remember this: hate the sin, don't hate the sinner.
Today let's pray for Thailand.
here is the main prayer point i think we should lift up, but feel free to pray for whatever God lays on your heart for these beautiful people.
Sex trafficking.
*top 3 areas: Patpong, Soi Cowboy, and Nana Plaza
*in Thailand sex trafficking is illegal, however it is highly tolerated and practiced even among government officials.
pray that the light of Jesus Christ will come dwell over this nation. For where there is light, darkness cannot stand.
this is my prayer for Thailand, take some time and find yours. and let's join together and come against the darkness that is taking over in this nation!
"the people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2
challenge: take at least 5 minutes RIGHT NOW, and cry out for those living in darkness.
Friday, November 19, 2010
remind me NEVER to wait so long before updating again :)
carrying the flame forward. 50 years of YWAM
Loren and Darlene :)
the map!
some stuffing for the thanksgiving baskets!
Hello my long lost people! I sincerely apologize for my lack of keeping everyone posted these past couple of weeks. we've been outrageously busy getting ready for our thanksgiving outreach coming up this sunday! [side note: this year we are feeding 250 families in our neighborhood thanksgiving meals. We are delivering on Sunday, so please pray for opportunities to not only physically feel them, but also spiritually feed this precious people that God loves so much. That they would have a hunger FOR OUR SAVIOR.] Soooo pretty much i have A LOT to share with you all, but if i shared everything this thing might not ever end, so here goes nothing (for all that i leave out, i will share with you in....oh FIVE glorious days when i am officially in TENNESSEE again!)
Let rewind life a bit, and start with week before last when we went to orlando for the southeast YWAM conference and the 50th celebration! Yes, that's right YWAM has been in action for 50 years now. That's simply amazing to me. So the conference was really great, it kind of made of for the fact that i was missing the missions conference at home. Plus the best part is that the founder of YWAM and his wife, Loren and Darlene Cunningham, were the guest speakers. It was such a privilege for me to sit and listen to the very people who were obedient in what God had called them to do in order that I am where I am today. My favorite part of the entire week was the last day, where we all split up with our bases, and had communion together. It was such a special time. And then there was a giant map and all the ywamers and people there came together and signed the name to the place they feel God has called them to GO. What a beautiful picture it was to see all my brothers and sisters in Christ seeking God's will for their life and for the nations. It was incredible. (the picture at the top is the map) So to wrap up that week, i'll say this: The mission God gave us when he left us with the Holy Spirit was to carry the torch to the nations. To never let that flame Go out. I think it's time that we do just that...get off our butts and GO. We've got souls to save, let's not let the enemy win the battle over their lives. It's time to fight like we've never fought before.
Ah, now moving on to this week. I have NO clue where to begin except to say that this week i have experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit more in my life than i ever thought possible. The biggest thing i will take home from this journey thus far is this: that God is limitless. He CAN and WILL do whatever he wants, whenever He wants, however He wants to do it. In this western culture that we live in, we put God in a box. We don't experience spiritual warfare firsthand, nor do we experience the Holy Spirit in His entirety. But this week, i have seen a glimpse of what i've been missing out on for the past 19 years. I really can't put into words what has happened, nor is the a specific thing that i can pinpoint to illustrate this. All i can say is that this week i havent just simply experienced God. I have had an encounter with the creator of the universe firsthand. This week our guest speakers were Christopher and Jenny Hopper, and let me just say this- i've never met anybody quite like them. God used them this week in such a powerful way in my life, that i will remember this week as a mile marker in my faith forever.
My notes from this week are so long and extensive that i could never just pick one thing out from it, but i will say this. I am seeing God in a new light, a way i've never seen Him before. He is real. He is in me. And as i sat at RESET last night worshipping, I realized this simple thing: My only desire right now is that i may see so much of Jesus here on Earth that is possible, that the only way to ever see more is to be in heaven. I want to be so familiar with what He looks like that when i get to heaven i won't even hesitate in recognizing Him. For so long i've known about Jesus. I've had so much understanding about God and what He has done. But now i don't just want understanding, i desire experience. I don't just want to know about him, i want to know him. I want to come home from this season of my life and be unrecognizable because it appears as though i've stepped off the mountain of the presence of God, just like Moses, and my face is glowing with his glory. That's my desire. That's all i want. For the first time in my life i can
actually mean this when i say:
You're all i want, you're all i need. You're everything, Jesus.
I wish i had so much more time to write and share what I'm learning. But when i get home in march i'm gonna type up all my notes and make a notebook and then i will be happy to share EVERYTHING i am bringing home from this.
ALSO, a PRAISE! we have officially purchased our tickets to India. We'll be leaving December 31 (Yes, i will be in NYC on new years eve...hollaaa! and YES! i will be in the air when the clock strikes midnight!) I'll be in India until March the 7th. But Thank you all for all your support, it means the world to me to have so much support back at home! this is NOT possible if you hadn't been available and open for God to use you in such a special way in my life. i love each of you very much, and i can't wait to hug your necks!
TENNESSEE HERE I COME!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
i will go, i will go, i will go. Lord send me.
This week I've been so homesick. so eager to see my family, and my sweet best friends. so desperate to be at my church. so ready to lay in my OWN room, in my OWN bed, all ALONE. in a house of 23 girls, there is never a moment of silence, nor a moment of alone time. Don't get me wrong, i love this place. i love what God is teaching me, i love how He is continually throwing me in "the refiners fire." It's tough though. It's different. It's just not home. This is week 7 and it is by far the most homesick i've been. Then i remind myself that i'm only 3 weeks out from being in the place i love most- my home. With the people i love more than life.
As i sit and ponder how much i want to be at home, I am reminded that my life will never be the same after this experience. It's different now. I am different now. And then God reminds me again that He has called me to a different place. Home will always be there, but I may not. I wonder where it is that He'll send me. I wonder what He has planned for me. I better not get ahead of myself- i must stop. I must regather my thoughts, my fears, my emotions. He is in control. He has a plan bigger than i see. And for now, I am here- for such a time as this.
"Let me not be blind with privilege, give me eyes to see the pain. let the blessing you've poured out on me not be spent on me in vain. let this life be used for change. i will go, i will go, i will go. Lord send me to the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything i am, I'm clay within your hands. i will go, i will go. send me."
that's my prayer. I want to go where He sends me. I have BIG dreams- dreams that most people probably don't think are even real. But watch me, God willing, those dreams will become my reality. I'm convinced, that God is using me- an ordinary girl- for an extraordinary purpose.
Could yall do me a favor this week? PRAY. pray that the homesickness will go away. That God will give me grace enough to make it through the next 3 weeks. Pray that I will have a clear mind and heart, letting God fill me with himself in order that I might be used. Pray that I am focused on the One that matters most.
I love you all, and I appreciate your love for me.
As i sit and ponder how much i want to be at home, I am reminded that my life will never be the same after this experience. It's different now. I am different now. And then God reminds me again that He has called me to a different place. Home will always be there, but I may not. I wonder where it is that He'll send me. I wonder what He has planned for me. I better not get ahead of myself- i must stop. I must regather my thoughts, my fears, my emotions. He is in control. He has a plan bigger than i see. And for now, I am here- for such a time as this.
"Let me not be blind with privilege, give me eyes to see the pain. let the blessing you've poured out on me not be spent on me in vain. let this life be used for change. i will go, i will go, i will go. Lord send me to the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything i am, I'm clay within your hands. i will go, i will go. send me."
that's my prayer. I want to go where He sends me. I have BIG dreams- dreams that most people probably don't think are even real. But watch me, God willing, those dreams will become my reality. I'm convinced, that God is using me- an ordinary girl- for an extraordinary purpose.
Could yall do me a favor this week? PRAY. pray that the homesickness will go away. That God will give me grace enough to make it through the next 3 weeks. Pray that I will have a clear mind and heart, letting God fill me with himself in order that I might be used. Pray that I am focused on the One that matters most.
I love you all, and I appreciate your love for me.
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